Looking For Ward 3/15/07
To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 15 2007
Subject: Bethany forwarded me your e-mails
Owen –
Bethany can come up with some pretty zany ideas. I don’t know where she got the notion that you have feelings for me, but I realize how crazy that is. So please, PLEASE, don’t hold what Bethany thinks against me.
Also, I’m sorry about the other night. I just really need some answers. Owen, I know how much Ward depends on and trusts you, and I also know you’d never betray that. Maybe one day I’ll do something that inspires such devotion from you, but in the meantime, perhaps you could give me a little on good faith? You’re the only person who can help me.
Which is why I am going to confess something to you – in the hope that by doing so, you will finally forgive me for hurting Ward.
So here it is: back in college I liked you before I liked Ward. I actually had a pretty big crush on you for a few days, and I guess it was powerful enough to haunt me from time to time. I still remember meeting you. You were wearing a green and blue rugby shirt with dirt stains and your hair was sticking up in different directions. I was looking for a place to sit in the crowded dining hall and you offered to let me share a table with you and Ward. You were eating cereal for dinner and Ward was angry because your team had beat his at touch football. Then Ward started flirting with me and I always suspected that you didn’t compete because he was already in such a lousy mood. And I thought to myself, “Who are these guys, and why would I want to get with the moody one?” But Ward was the one who asked for my phone number, which I gave to him partly because I thought maybe you would be the one to call.
We both know that’s not how it turned out. And obviously it’s for the best, because once I got past his quirks I fell in love with all his good qualities, like how resilient and kind and smart he is. But Ward and I had our ups and downs, and I was thinking of breaking up with him even before that time with your brother. Meeting Jack was like going back in time; he was a younger version of you. I felt as though it was freshman year all over again, and I was back at our table in the dining hall, only this time I could make myself clear and you would be more than a friend. Not that it excuses my actions, but it’s what I was thinking at the time.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Ward. Just last night I was asking myself why I’m still holding on. I couldn’t form an answer that consisted of words. Instead I just kept thinking of the time I made spaghetti and accidentally dropped the entire bowl on his kitchen floor. He had spent the day scrubbing it, and I thought he’d be pissed. But he wasn’t. Ward just got out some parmesan cheese and two forks. He handed one to me, and we sat down and ate. After we were done, we did other things on that kitchen floor. I won’t go into detail, but it was one of the best nights we ever had together. It’s why I think we’re supposed to be together. Ward offers me everything I really need: security, acceptance, and love. And I believe I’m good for him as well. He needs someone, and God knows he hasn’t had good luck with his parents dying so young.
Speaking of parents, mine will be back in a couple of days, and I’ll need to finalize the wedding plans with them. I’ve been able to stall them up until now, but they’re going to figure out soon that Ward isn’t around. I can’t keep up this charade much longer. But even more than that, if there is something I should know about, either with Ward’s past or where he is right now, I’m begging you to tell me. Even if you don’t particularly like me, at least you could put yourself in my place and realize how much is at stake here. I don’t want to make a mistake that could ruin Ward’s life, or my own.
Please Owen, let me come with you this weekend to look for Ward. On the way to wherever we’re going, you can tell me what you know. I’m not going to give up until you agree.
Love,
Chloe
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 15 2007
Subject: Bethany forwarded me your e-mails
Owen –
Bethany can come up with some pretty zany ideas. I don’t know where she got the notion that you have feelings for me, but I realize how crazy that is. So please, PLEASE, don’t hold what Bethany thinks against me.
Also, I’m sorry about the other night. I just really need some answers. Owen, I know how much Ward depends on and trusts you, and I also know you’d never betray that. Maybe one day I’ll do something that inspires such devotion from you, but in the meantime, perhaps you could give me a little on good faith? You’re the only person who can help me.
Which is why I am going to confess something to you – in the hope that by doing so, you will finally forgive me for hurting Ward.
So here it is: back in college I liked you before I liked Ward. I actually had a pretty big crush on you for a few days, and I guess it was powerful enough to haunt me from time to time. I still remember meeting you. You were wearing a green and blue rugby shirt with dirt stains and your hair was sticking up in different directions. I was looking for a place to sit in the crowded dining hall and you offered to let me share a table with you and Ward. You were eating cereal for dinner and Ward was angry because your team had beat his at touch football. Then Ward started flirting with me and I always suspected that you didn’t compete because he was already in such a lousy mood. And I thought to myself, “Who are these guys, and why would I want to get with the moody one?” But Ward was the one who asked for my phone number, which I gave to him partly because I thought maybe you would be the one to call.
We both know that’s not how it turned out. And obviously it’s for the best, because once I got past his quirks I fell in love with all his good qualities, like how resilient and kind and smart he is. But Ward and I had our ups and downs, and I was thinking of breaking up with him even before that time with your brother. Meeting Jack was like going back in time; he was a younger version of you. I felt as though it was freshman year all over again, and I was back at our table in the dining hall, only this time I could make myself clear and you would be more than a friend. Not that it excuses my actions, but it’s what I was thinking at the time.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Ward. Just last night I was asking myself why I’m still holding on. I couldn’t form an answer that consisted of words. Instead I just kept thinking of the time I made spaghetti and accidentally dropped the entire bowl on his kitchen floor. He had spent the day scrubbing it, and I thought he’d be pissed. But he wasn’t. Ward just got out some parmesan cheese and two forks. He handed one to me, and we sat down and ate. After we were done, we did other things on that kitchen floor. I won’t go into detail, but it was one of the best nights we ever had together. It’s why I think we’re supposed to be together. Ward offers me everything I really need: security, acceptance, and love. And I believe I’m good for him as well. He needs someone, and God knows he hasn’t had good luck with his parents dying so young.
Speaking of parents, mine will be back in a couple of days, and I’ll need to finalize the wedding plans with them. I’ve been able to stall them up until now, but they’re going to figure out soon that Ward isn’t around. I can’t keep up this charade much longer. But even more than that, if there is something I should know about, either with Ward’s past or where he is right now, I’m begging you to tell me. Even if you don’t particularly like me, at least you could put yourself in my place and realize how much is at stake here. I don’t want to make a mistake that could ruin Ward’s life, or my own.
Please Owen, let me come with you this weekend to look for Ward. On the way to wherever we’re going, you can tell me what you know. I’m not going to give up until you agree.
Love,
Chloe
Laurel Osterkamp
author of Following My Toes
Copyright Laurel Osterkamp 2007. All rights reserved.
posted by Laurel | 5:36 PM
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