Book Review - I'm Sorry, Love Anne by Andrea Peters

Dear John, I’m sorry. I will never forget you. Love, Anne.
This mysterious message is found in a used copy of The Woman in White in a Chicago bookstore. The woman who buys the book, herself named Anne, is intrigued with the message and sends a letter of inquiry to the address printed on the faded label pasted on the front of the book. Anne receives a letter back, with the simple statement “Who is this?” printed inside. That night she also receives an anonymous phone call, a male caller, again demanding to know who she is. Anne decides to forget about the whole matter until she receives another letter, this time from an old woman, apologizing for the first letter and offering to fill her in if she’s ever in the area of Kent, England.
Then, coincidentally, Anne travels to England for work. She manages to find time to visit the old woman, and the younger Anne borrows the diary of the original Anne, who penned the note in the book. By reading the diary, the younger Anne learns all the details of the older Anne’s sad life, and increasingly becomes involved in a decades-old murder case. At the same time, young Anne starts to fall in love with Jarred, a legal secretary she works with in with London. However, Jarred is actually related to some of the key players in this murder case, and soon Anne doesn’t know whom she should trust.
If the plot sounds completely implausible, it is. Some of the coincidences in the story are fantastically wild and need more explanation. In addition, at the base of the story are two love relationships, one between young Anne and Jarred, the other between old Anne and her beau John, which we read about both in the diary and in flashback interludes. Neither of these love stories is well-developed, so it is hard to understand the sacrifices (told rather than shown) that these characters make for a love.
However, these flaws aside, I’m Sorry, Love Anne is otherwise a gripping story told with skilled narration and vivid description. Peters takes the reader on an adventurous ride through New York, London, and Hong Kong. Although the plot if full of some hard-to-believe twists, it is not predictable, so it is impossible not to be drawn into the story.
My advice? Put away your rational side before you pick up this book. If you can get past its flaws, you’re in for a fun read full of mystery, suspense, and intrigue.

Originally published on Curled Up With A Good Book at www.curledup.com. © Laurel Osterkamp, 2006

Chick Lit: Which Comes First, The Chick or The Lit?

How many times has a boyfriend or husband dismissed a movie you wanted to see as just another “chick flick”, refusing to go, and dragged you to see an action film instead? It seems that any sort of entertainment that is created specifically by women for women has a stigma attached to it, and is often disregarded as superficial fluff. This is not simply true for movies anymore, but for books as well, with the fairly recent emergence of the genre “chick lit.”

These books often have pastel covers with pictures of shoes or cocktails or both, and they usually have a single everywoman-type-heroine, complete with dieting woes and dating insecurities. And while it is true these books frequently follow some familiar conventions, many are receiving an ill-deserved reputation.

The really good chick lit books are by authors who haven’t forgotten that lit stands for literature, and they manage to create complex stories with subtle characters and universal themes. And – here’s the truly difficult part – they do so while employing the conventions that chick lit readers have come to love and expect.

Achieving this is not easy. One must ask, when writing chick lit, which comes first: the chick, or the lit?

The Chick
So just what do chick lit readers expect when picking up a novel? While this list is in no ways complete, it is a start:

A heroine with a good sense of humor
Characters who are dealing with real-life problems concerning career choices and/or family issues
Focus on relationships
Description of settings that are urban or in some way exotic
A story with an element of romance, however, romance does not have to be the focus of the story
Emphasis on other relationships, like with girlfriends

In addition, a lot of chick lit books use conventions that have made the stereotypes about these books true. Listed below are some of the more blatant ones:
· A heroine who loves shoes and martinis
· A story set in either London or NYC
· The main character works in publishing, PR, or some equally glamorous profession
· A plot that is driven by the flakiness and insecurities of the heroine, who is always getting herself into jams due to her foibles.
· Outrageous and quirky supporting characters which include family members, childhood friends, and work-buddies
· Sex scenes that are either hinted at or told in detail
· An elusive guy with a hip name who, for whatever reason, won’t commit to a relationship with the main character (at least until the end of the book)

When writing the chick component of chick lit, it is important to include at least a couple of the elements from list “A”. However, if you want to make your book easily identifiable as chick lit, go a step further and throw in some elements from list “B” as well.


The Lit
So you’ve figured out which chick conventions your story is going to include, and it is time to write it. But now comes the more difficult part. How do you turn your story into literature?

First, we need an understanding of just what literature is. I like this definition, found on Yahoo definitions:
Imaginative or creative writing, especially of recognized artistic value: "Literature must be an analysis of experience and a synthesis of the findings into a unity" (Rebecca West).
Let’s break the definition down into three parts.

1. Imagination and creativity – In Emily Giffin’s Something Borrowed, Rachel is a big-city lawyer who has always been too busy for a relationship. Then she falls for Dex, and must learn to balance love and career. Sounds like standard chick lit, right? Except Giffin does the unexpected by making Dex already engaged to Darcy, Rachel’s oldest childhood friend. The fact that Rachel has a full-blown affair with Dex, while lying to Darcy, should make her an unlikable character. But the opposite is true. Through imagination and creativity Giffin creates flawed and complex characters, and an equally complex story that distinguishes itself from other, less imaginative tales.

Artistic Value – Many a writing instructor has issued this demand to his/her students - “Show, don’t tell!” But what does that mean? Consider this passage:
“It’s been so cloudy and overcast, and I’m left feeling depressed and blah. I wish there was some way I could escape the weather and my emotions.”
Not bad, huh? But with a little effort, this passage could be a lot better, showing the reader the narrator’s situation, rather than telling us about it. Now consider this passage, from What My Mother Doesn’t Know, by Sonja Sones:
“Heavy clouds hang low like a thick gray soup boiling overhead. I’m gray through and through. Even my thoughts are gray. If I cut my finger, I’d bleed gray blood.”
See the difference? The first passage describes the grayness of the mood. The second passage goes a step further, causing us to recognize a gray feeling of our own through simile, hyperbole, and example.

Analysis, Synthesis, and Unity – This simply means putting some thought behind the events in your story, combining the events in a meaningful way, and finding a unity, or theme, by doing so.
For example, Elizabeth Buchan’s novel, Everything She Thought She Wanted centers around two very separate women. Sienna is living in modern-day England, pursuing her glamorous and successful career as a fashion consultant. Meanwhile, Barbara exists in 1959, and is having an affair with a much younger man after spending her youth caring for her husband and children. While the two stories told in this novel are quite different, they both center on the sacrifices women are asked to make for their family, and the price of motherhood. By the end, we are led to a meaningful connection between these two women living very different lives, and a unified theme on the complexities of love emerges.
In conclusion, it is possible to write a fun, hip, and commercially successful chick lit novel that is also creative, artistic, and meaningful. Just decide which conventions you want to follow, then put in the time to make your writing a cut above the rest. It may not be easy, but with some effort you just might create the perfect balance between chick and lit!

Copyright by Laurel Osterkamp : All rights reserved.

Wickedly Good - A Chick Lit Version of Macbeth

Below is my entry into the Purple Prose Parody Contest.

Wickedly Good
A Chick Lit Version of MACBETH

By Laurel Osterkamp

It’s Monday morning. Girl’s poker night went a little long and I’m feeling the effect from one too many Cosmos. My philosophy has always been that Sunday night is still part of the weekend and should be treated as such. I’m beginning to rethink that idea now, seeing as how I’m thirtynothing, I can’t get into lower than a size twelve dress, my mom and I don’t get along, and I’m still single! Oh! I almost forgot. I also have a crappy job working at a major NYC publishing house (I’m in the HR department). Lately I’ve been thinking I should grow up, form some goals, and achieve them. It’s time to be slightly settled.
“Wendy! Snap to! I’ve never seen you looking so foul.” Helga, my direct superior, screams across the room at me, compounding my headache and rotten mood. There’s something about the martyred nasal quality of her voice that reminds of Satan in a designer outfit.
My co-worker Sabrina answers her with a chirp. “Helga, be fair. She’s not capable of much”. She shakes her blond head and tugs on her size two jeans as she speaks, and I suppress the urge to clobber her. Fair and foul, foul and fair – welcome to my planet.
Helga, Sabrina, and Wendy – together we’re the weird sisters of HR. Not just because we’re all weird, but because coincidentally, we’re named after famous – or infamous witches. Helga lives up to her name by being hideous in both looks and personality. Sabrina could be Melissa Joan Hart’s evil twin. And me, well, I’m Wendy the good little witch. Except I’m not so little, and I’m a good girl gone bad.
And how are we weird?
You’d be surprised at what working in an office with fluorescent lighting, no windows, and only the same two people to talk to all day can do to you. Sometimes when a new person strolls in we overwhelm him with our enthusiasm. And so what if we practice a little black magic from time to time? We’re three babes in captivity.
Our office door opens, and in strolls Mr. Mac. Mr. Mac is really high up here at Cawdor publishing. The only person above him is his best buddy Banquo, and Duncan Dunsinane, the president of the company. But Duncan is old and worn out, and there have been rumors about him retiring. Mr. Mac would be the natural successor. And what a yummy boss he would be! Brown wavy hair, piercing blue eyes, and a body that just won’t quit. Combine that with a sexy Scottish accent and witty personality, well, he’s the dream of every girl who’s urban, single, and loves shoe shopping. Hooking him in would be the perfect start to behaving like an adult.
“Good day ladies. I’m in a bit of a fix, and I need you to lend me a hand.”
Helga pipes in first. “All hail Mr. Mac, Publicity Director of Cawdor!”
Next chimes Sabrina. “All hail Mr. Mac, Vice President of publishing!”
Then I add in the final punch. “All hail Mr. Mac, you’ll be CEO pretty soon!”
Mr. Mac raises one eyebrow and gives us a crooked smile. “Right. Anyhow, it seems one our employees has misplaced her diary. She’ll be dreadfully embarrassed if it falls into the wrong hands. But there’s no name, only the initials – B.J. Any ideas who that might be? It says in here she’s a wee bit chubby. ”
The door opens again and in comes Mr. Mac’s good friend, Banquo. Banquo is short, round, and bald. Supposedly he’s wickedly good at publishing, but I don’t have the urge to pour frapachino all over his body and lick it up the way I do with Mr. Mac. Banquo is just no Mr. Mac; he’s barely a Mr. Maybe.
“All hail Banquo, shorter than Mr. Mac, yet much taller!” cries Helga.
“All hail Banquo, not so successful as Mr. Mac, yet much more successful!” wails Sabrina.
“You will have sex, but nobody actually thinks you’re sexy.” I proclaim.
There’s an awkward pause as everybody looks at each other and nobody wants to speak. Darnit! Why do I open my mouth and say such silly things? I could probably lose my job for that last comment. Without a paycheck I’ll be saying goodbye to Jimmy Choo.
Banquo breaks the silence. “Um, thank you?” Then he turns to Mr. Mac. “Thane, did you hear? Duncan is in the hospital. He had a massive stroke this morning. The doctors say he probably won’t last the night.”
“You’re… you’re joking, right?”
“Thane,” says Banquo, “I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”
Mr. Mac turns to Helga, Sabrina and me and gives us a suspicious look. “What are you ladies up to?” he asks.
Helga grabs her industrial sized bottle of whiteout and waves it around.
“Out, out damn spot,” she cries. Then a fog emerges from the bottle, and out of that fog comes an apparition. It’s a novel with a pink cover, and on that cover is a high heeled shoe and a martini glass.
“Open the book and see!” yells Helga.
“See!” cries Sabrina.
“Read the dang book!” I howl.
Banquo and Mr. Mac each look a little green, but Banquo steps forward first.
“What the heck,” he says, as he opens the book-like thing that is floating in front of him.
“What does it say?” Mr. Mac asks him.
“I think you’d better see for yourself,” Banquo responds.
Mr. Mac steps forward to inspect the book. As he does Helga, Sabrina and I dance in a circle around him, chanting.
“Double, double, flirt and fumble. Money earn, and humor be humble!”
We stop chanting as Mr. Mac speaks. “It says that no chick of chicken born shall ever harm me. I must say, I have no idea what that could possibly mean. Banquo, what do you think it means?”
But Banquo hasn’t been paying attention. He has turned his focus to me.
“You’re Wendy, right?”
“Yeah,” I respond with a smile and a wink. I’m starting to dig this not-so-perfect man.
“So you think I’m going to have sex?”
“No.” I say, deadpan. “I know you are going to have sex.”
He laughs. “You maybe want to get a drink sometime?”
“Sure. I’m busy tonight, but how about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…” Mr. Mac says, but his voice trails off as the apparition disappears.


Banquo and I hit it off like a shopoholic in Manhattan. And lucky for me he’s good in bed. Also, Banquo recognized my talents right away and put me in a job in where I’d have some real input. Mr. Mac did make CEO, but he didn’t last long. Seems he fought me every step of the way as I tried to get Cawdor Publishing to market books which spoke to me – and all the other single urban women out there. Sure, dismiss my books as chick lit, I don’t mind. I may be a chick, but I’m not a chicken. And when I replaced Mr. Mac as CEO, he realized just how wickedly good I am.

Contest Results

I am so pleased with the results from the contest! Quite a few people entered, and the winner is Kym, who has her own book blog. Here is the link:
kymmayfield.blogspot.com

As promised, I am posting some of the responses I got in regards to people's psychic abilities. While most people said they are in no way psychic, here are some of the more unique answers I got:

No but I wish I did, somehow my life would be a little more together if it were... at least I hope it would. - Naftali

No I don't but I have had experience with meeting with a medium to help me through my loss of my mom. It really helped me and gave me some peace. Don't know how to explain it because of it being the first time I went, but when I was there, and through this, it was so visual and emotional that it helped me heal. So its not a psychic ability but I sure believe in it.! - Cathie

i have what i call the momma psychic ability lol, like when my little girl is about to do something or is doing something i see the crash, bang and scream that will happen if i dont stop her ;) - Kym

The only ability Ihave is that when someone trie to sneak up on me, I alwys turn around before they are successful. - Debbie

How To Be a Modern-day Fictional Heroine

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine.

But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern girl who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do?

Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words – you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine.

Step 1 – Be Flawed
This step is super easy, because come on, we’re all already flawed anyway, right?
Right!
Except for one little catch. It is necessary to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable.
1.) You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a constant inner dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the next ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help eliminate pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?”
2.) You must have issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this means that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this means that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be thinking about eating. I strongly recommend the second option.
3.) You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girlfriend who is in no way as good for him as you were.)

Step 2 – Practice Retail Therapy
Today’s modern day fictional heroine realizes one fundamental truth – that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you need to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast rule – anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I have provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order:
Designer shoes
Designer beauty products
Designer chocolate
Designer purses
Designer lingerie
Anything else designer
Clothes (This is listed as the very last option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will negate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.)

Step 3 – Have a purpose, deeply question it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose.
Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I have created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be good to go.

Column A
1. You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money.
2. You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives.
3. You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family.
4. You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled!
Column B
1. It’s all getting to be too much and nobody understands you.
2. None of it means anything anymore and nobody understands you.
3. You wish you could have some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you?
4. Is this really what you set out to do? You did major in art history after all.

Column C
1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas.
2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to start your own home-based greeting card company.
3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose.
4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to take some time off just to focus on you.

Conclusion:
So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you need is a little attitude thrown in with a barely noticeable social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you have to say. A new age has arrived!

ENTER

Contest #1
Win a free copy of Following My Toes
by answering the following questions about chapter 1. You can read chapter 1 at www.laurelosterkamp.com.
1. Where does Faith meet Peter?
2. What book was she reading when they first spoke?
3. What drink does he bring her?
4. What is Faith's psychic ability?
5. Do you have an unusual psychic ability? Describe it to me. I'll post these answers on my blog, unless you specify in your e-mail that you don't want me to.

Send your response to laurelalyce@yahoo.com. The winner will be chosen at random, and the contest will run through July 9th. Thanks for participating!